There are things I tell people about myself when I meet them. I'm Fiona. I'm from Scotland. I love Autumn and hate frogs and have questionable taste in music.
And there are things I don't tend to tell them. Like how I love singing in the shower. That I like to eat peanut butter straight out of the jar. That I lost a baby.
Sometimes it will come up in conversation; someone will mention that their mum, or their sister, or their friend had a miscarriage. And it burns inside me to say yes, I lost a baby too. I never do, though. It's as though I'm ashamed.
Let me tell you, I'm not ashamed. What makes me more ashamed is that there is still a taboo around this subject. There really shouldn't be. We should all be able to hold our heads high and say "I'm one of the one in four". Because that's a lot of people. And and so many of those people feel the same way I do.
Next month it will be three years since I lost my first baby to an ectopic pregnancy. After three years, it still hurts and I still have those moments where it takes my breath away. As a teacher, it can be hard sometimes to see the love between my students and their parents, or to be treated a certain way because I'm not officially a parent. In the time that I was pregnant, I had imagined a future for my child, and it's so often said that it's those lost opportunities that we grieve for.
So during this Baby Loss Awareness Week, know that it's okay to share your story, if you want to. There is no shame in losing a baby. After all, how else do you keep their memory alive without talking about them?
Hi, I'm Fiona. I'm from Scotland. I love Autumn and hate frogs and have questionable taste in music. And I lost a baby.