Wednesday, 7 October 2015


Sometimes the truth hurts.

Anyone who has followed me for a while will know I'm a huge supporter of the work of Saying Goodbye. Yesterday they launched their new campaign and I quite honestly think it's brilliant. 

Sometimes I feel like there are 2 versions of me. 
The one the world sees...
And the one it doesn't. 

There's me.
No 'real' ties. 
Attempting to forge a career.
Travelling as much as possible and
to an outsider - 

free as a bird.

And then there's me, the woman who lost a baby.
Who can be reduced to tears by an ill-placed advertisement. 
Who often wakes up in a cold sweat from nightmares. 
Who entirely blames herself. 

Losing B has been well and truly categorised as
A Thing Of The Past. 
And that's fine -
we can't hold on forever. 

But for me it's not in the past.
It's a very real and ever-present part of my 

I'm not the same person I was
(I wouldn't want to be).
The only way I can honour my baby is through my own life. 
So I fund raise, I support, I listen
(and occasionally crumble a little when the memories get too much).

You may think I'm childless 
but the truth is - 
my child didn't get to stay.
I am a Mother.

This is my truth. 

@SayingGoodbyeUK on Twitter